Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
