I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
