@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
