Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
