I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
