bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
