I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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