apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
