dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
