Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
