help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
