i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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