u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
