I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
