you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
