I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
