i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
