after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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