i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
