I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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