I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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