I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
