Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i believe in u and ur pee
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