I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
