you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
