very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They took my balls.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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