so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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