Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
