I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
