Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Randomize
