Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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