remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She just used a chaser for red wine.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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