Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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