I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
