I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
