Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
