It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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