And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
