i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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