I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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