Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
