ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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