If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
