Moan for me like Helen Keller
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
