i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
