Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
