I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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