Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
