We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
its liver damage thursday
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
