He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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